The Caucasian’s Guide to Black Barbecues

This post is now located at http://neguswhoread.com/the-caucasians-guide-to-black-barbecues/

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719 thoughts on “The Caucasian’s Guide to Black Barbecues

  1. I learned the difference between BBQ and cookout yesterday. Can’t stop laughing at this article now! My store bought potato salad languished in the fridge because Mama P. made so much Homemade salad that tasted 10x better. But now I don’t feel so bad about taking the potato salad back home. Tons of fried chicken, fried catfish, and mac & cheese were awesome. All TV’s were going in all rooms and they even ran 300 foot of wire to have a tv in the backyard. Let’s not forget the start time changed three times and I was still the first one to arrive even though I thought I was 30 minutes late running on white people time.

  2. Comment to the commentators: Cultural differences makes the world a more interesting place. Love yourself, embrace your culture, and learn to respect and appreciate the cultural differences of others. Note to the author: Thanks for the laughs! No harm, no foul. God Bless!

  3. As a black Englishman, I have always found it intimidating whenever I go to a cookout.
    By the way what does G.O.A.T stands for?
    Black English

  4. Also, if you show up on time for a cookout, you’ll definitely be hungry if you didn’t eat first, put to work to help with setting up, and probably sent on a run to the store (yes, to pay for whatever is needed with your own money). That’s what you get for inconveniencing the host by showing up at, or within 30 minutes of the stated invite start time.

    1. YES! He left out if you ate one of the cost to arrive or call you WILL be picking up something from the store.! This article was so funny!

  5. Loved it loved it loved it! Read it everyday for a cleansing of the soul!!! So true with all the observations and only one negative comment out of the bunch!!! I always plan my activities two hours earlier cuz I know what time folks will really arrive! Lol lol

  6. Definate culture shock for me! I thought a cookout was suppossed to be fun and enjoyable. A time to relax and enjoy and commiserate. I went to a white northern cookout (’cause a white southern bbq is much different) and it seemed like everyone had a stick up their hind parts. Pissing competitions and keeping up with the jones stories-I can get that at work! Very quite -very reserved…all the food was cassarole-ish (what kinda lazy is the one dish meal about?)…lol. Also white cookouts are considerably shorter than black cookouts-which is a good thing because you’ll be bored as hell talking about the newest fitbit and/or iphone models.
    Yes our summer time cookouts are very different…lol!

    1. I am white been married 30 years to my black husband. Love CP cookouts way better than white people, whites are stuffy. I host a lot of cookouts and have a mix of ethnicity, I embrace all cultural differences. And everyone loves my cooking including CP.

    2. I’m with you. White Northerners and Midwesterners throw “barbecues” (which is basically them throwing some unseasoned, unprepared meat on the grill, and usually only burgers, dogs or chicken) like they really don’t want folks at their house.

    3. Due A very unfortunate untimely death we have been having dinner for three loved ones that passed away a couple weeks ago we have been barbecuing every night because people have donated so much food barbecue chicken and ribs fish everything was seasoned up and thought out so we been barbecuing every night since Wednesday. We have gone through at least seven cases of chicken 30 slabs of ribs maybe 150 to 200 pieces of chicken and the grill has been nonstop since Wednesday night. The funeral was yesterday and even last night we stayed at the house barbecuing on till midnight and food is still coming in so that is a huge difference between our fellow Caucasians and African-Americans now I’m on my way back to the grill. This post is hilarious I love it

  7. Also white people – If someone asks you to “fix ’em a plate at a CP BBQ, 1. they want a little of everything and 2. they want big servings. I learned my lesson putting a small sampling on my friend’s Aunt’s plate. #neveragain

  8. Brings back a lot of good memories. Thanks for the article. Whites can play dominoes and spades too you know. I was raised on those games and would never back down from a game.

  9. As I was reading your BBQ post, shared with me by a co-worker, I just kept thinking how similar our cook-outs are. I would just add that if you bring something in a container be prepared to never see that container again. And I’m thinking our bon fire is equal to spades or dominoes. Don’t go near the fire while the white boys are lighting it. The drunker they are, the larger it gets.
    Fun post!

    1. So true! I find myself constantly looking for my one-of-a-kindTupperware bowl that you can’t buy any more, constantly trying to keep it in my sight!

    2. No plastic containers…they wind up in the plastic cemetery (someone’s cabinet). Pay a visit to the Dollar Tree…BRING ALL ALUMINIM!

  10. I’m a black woman and you hit it on the nail about black peoples and our cookout I enjoy reading it because it was so true . I personally didn’t see anything wrong with what you said . You just keeping it real ha ha lol

  11. great article!!!… i have to say pretty much reflects the pattern of black BBQs in most parts the world…except the music and fighting part (which is most likely ensue if you drink the strongest indigenous brew in some African country) and spades/dominoes. I have enjoyed black barbecues all over the world hosted by black-americans, africans from all the five regions, the caribbean folks. but caribbean folks are THE BEST at hosting bbqs/cookouts. the only thing i couldn’t stand at a bbq in asia and still can’t stand in europe is a conversation with this one mixed race “new friend” who wants to bore you to death talking about African wars and famines of the 70s and 80s. #always_find_a_reason_to_ditch_them#

  12. To MOMOF6BOYS3GIRLS. I love you. Since CP likes to give people nicknames. I am going to call you “Fertile Fanny” I love the way you approached this fun/real article. Keep being you my sister.

  13. I’m a white girl, and I wouldn’t DREAM of going to a BBQ, party, or cookout without bringing food. My family and my husband’s family all have rural roots. And we bring FOOD to parties. Except my SIL……she thinks bringing a cheesecake from Costco is “bringing food.” She’s from Hollywood.

  14. Black people CANNOT fight at all that is true i teach karate and they simply are the worst students. No cordination at all so scratch that. I never go to black events cause its like going to the zoo i do not hang out with monkeys

    1. Hmmm, Scooty your jealousy is showing! And so is your ignorance – it’s “coordination” and don’t forget your punctuation!

    2. You must be lonely and have no life! Trolling social media with your computer courage! Step out of your comfort zone and speak your piece in front of a person of color and I am so sure you will find more than what you bargained for! Small minds have small courage and lack abilities to communicate effectively with real human beings of this world! DUMMY!

    3. BLACK FOLK CAN THROW THE PHUCK DOWN YOU CLOWN,,, BET BLACK FOLK DONT PRACTICE KARATE BUT DEFINITELY PRACTICE MF CRAAAAZY

  15. No mention of dice? My friend and his brother seemed a bit offended when I implied in what I thought was a complimentary manner that their “black: food was basically the same as our Southern food.

  16. So you just gonna send the white girl to the car with Tashas “New” boyfriend? Are you trying to get her cut? Lol. If its a guy , cool. but the women should be careful. We’re very territorial. Dont get too friendly with our boyfriends/husbands or straying off with them. Conversations should be short and in their mates presence. And its not a black/white thing, its a penis/vagina thing. Trust me, just take Tasha with you.

  17. this was too funny, and surprisingly accurate. glad to see everyone enjoying the exchange of cultures….on that note msdragon you probably shouldnt go to anyone’s bbq until you deal with your anger issues. james is probably gonna call you bitch, for being pretentious lol

  18. The article and the comments had me laughing until the tears came!!!!😁 I wish I could erase the negative stuff. I keep styrofoam containers and plastic ware in my trunk!! I’m usually asked to bring the mac n cheese, run cake or peach cobbler…….

    1. Every year, no matter the occasion I have to make the pasta salad – even for a repast! I guess I’ll have to make a pan before my own funeral (and freeze it)!!! Right, Styrofoam and plastic ware in the trunk – I’m with you on that one!

  19. I have mixed feelings about this post. As a black man, I can be sympathetic to some of these rules, but at the same time, these stereotypes, are not exclusive to black gatherings. When was the last time you, back or white, got invited to a barbecue and didn’t ask if you should bring something? Who shows up to a party on time? If there are not too many chairs, and you get up ANYWHERE, any party, any gathering, you will loose that seat. Simple. Ive been to a party hosted by an Irish family where they had football playing in EVERY ROOM in the house.
    The only time I’ve been to a black gathering where there was a tv with blasting volume was a ‘hood party’ not really a family gathering. I didn’t find this post very funny, but by itself it is pretty benign. Just a little fun– I understand. The danger is when people start associating these traits with black cookouts. But all of these rules eccept for rule #2, and #10 can be applied to ANY barbeque. Poster, be careful with this kind of humor, it can open the wrong doors.

    1. Geesh, what happened to something just being funny? Why do people always have to pick things apart and make it about something else. Yes a lot of it is true and yes it may relate to just hood BBQ’s but still the shit is funny and that is exactly what he was going for, HUMOR and nothing else! So many people get on their high horse and think he is talking about them or that he means all black people in general. We all know those type of BBQ’s exist or he wouldn’t be able to make fun of it. Lighten up people! HE is not stereotyping all blacks. When you are secure in who you are and what you are about, shit like this wouldn’t even faze you.

      1. Amen! If you listen to comedians and funny storytellers they are funny because there is truth in what they say. Get a grip!

      2. My point is is that this didnt have to be a black and white thing. Why is this the“THE CAUCASIAN’S GUIDE TO BLACK BARBECUES”? Why not title it “guide to navigate a cook out”? Is it funnier that it is specifically a black bbq? Its not. Its just as funny. As someone else pointed out, we have all been to THAT barbeque.

      3. thank you for your observation. I was reading some of these comments and I was damn why are people so offended. His article had me cracking up LMAO

      4. So true! I roared when I read he article and some of the comments are priceless. C’mon folks, laugh a little!

      5. Thank you Andre, I couldn’t believe some of the comments on this article and I don’t understand why a lot of people think he is saying that all black cookouts are like this. I have been to many cookouts in my life and quite a few of them were of different cultural backgrounds and I enjoyed all of them. This was funny as hell and had me cracking up.

    2. Its just light fun. You’re valid in feeling how you want to feel but with that being said, everyone is different. I’ve been to gatherings where you are asked to bring something and I’ve also been to gatherings where the host is offended if anyone brought something because they love to cook and get feedback on their food. Its funny because majority of the “cookouts” I’ve attended are just as the writer described. Its not written in stone and every gathering on earth is not like this and we all know this. Its all in fun, laugh a little.

    3. I was going to just watch this unfold but I laughed at the “Irish” bit. I’m a card-carrying, glow in the dark pale, red-headed, Irish woman and I can tell you that what you said is absolutely true about our parties! In fact, we never miss an opportunity to party! The only difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake is that there’s one less drunk at the wake! (Get the point here? We who are comfortable with who and what we are can laugh at ourselves and spread that laughter around…. It’s an amazing concept!)

    4. I think you’re wrong and too sensitive.
      I think the humor was well balanced playing with such a delicate issue.
      Throughout history, humor has often been used to do just this. And comedian greats like George Carlin has stressed it is actually a comedians duty.
      Chapelle has said the same.
      I don’t like stereotyping or profiling either but if NOT misused and construed, many have a basis.
      And to say most of that isn’t unique to a BLACK bar b que, but most?
      NOT! WRONG ANSWER!
      Where I come from, you DO NOT steal seating. YOU DO NOT EVEN TEMPORARILY SIT IN IT UNTIL THEIR RETURN!
      So…
      We are very punctual.
      If your more than an hour late, they’re holding up eating and warming the food worrying there’s been a crash.
      Mine didn’t drink liquor in family settings or holidays.
      Maybe a token eggnog.
      Gramma and gramps had their wine spritzers before wine spritzers came out… At bedtime. Sometimes one, sometimes quite a few.
      Nobody nipped anywhere.
      May leave to store and stop for shots but no stashed booze except my grandparents spritzer makers MUSCATEL or PORT with 7 Up in fridge.
      We did not park to block another either~ever.
      And only older family would or may be expected to bring something. Nothing was expected from the younger… Nor the food poisoning risk factored in.
      I think you haven’t been to any or many white or nonblack gatherings, sir.

  20. There is always that aunt that never brings anything and fixes 4 plates to go before she even eats her first plate. Then you have the other aunts who are prepared to catch her and say something about it to her but the first aunt always prevails and gets away with the plates! LOL The article is spot on!

    1. Then you have the other aunt who tells everyone you took all of the food and now she has no leftovers. That’s the aunt who inspects take away dishes as you leave!

    2. Oh, I feel you on this one! I have an aunt who has for years always stacked a week’s worth of plates for dinner (no matter the occasion). Everybody talks about her but everyone’s afraid to confront her – you want to get cussed out!

  21. This is what we need to learn. The balance between celebrating and acknowledging the differences in cultures. Yet not acknowledging then lest we cause offence…… Where do you go from there? I thought the article quite funny. As would any insight, poking a wee bit if fun. We need to move on. Let go. HAVE FUN!

  22. Yep sounds like my people. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I do disagree with the music scenario. If the music stops….it’s going down. It’s all in fun people. Get your panties out of a bunch.

  23. When a black friend shared this with me (obviously i am an old white dude), i was terror stricken b/c i did not know if it was racist to laugh or not laugh, and then when i shared it with another black friend, I could not figure out if it was more racist for me to share it, or not. perfect example of old white people problems. and i live in NC, so i’m also ignorant. but at least i have a great article to share. 😦

    1. Wow John Logan that is way too much emphasis on something that shouldn’t have that much importance. Just be yourself, if your gut instinct says it’s funny then laugh 😂, If you don’t find it funny, that’s OK too but more importantly is that we all can drop our guard at times and laugh like there is no tomorrow. It’s not a racial issue until people make it that way. The article talks about the differences between the black and white cultures but it is all in fun and meant to provide good humor and hopefully a deep belly laugh, if you have the stomach for it 😂. A Daily dose of laughter helps keep the doctor away better than an apple 😀 Enjoy

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